new ways to fall

02/27/2007
tiffany

with new hopes come new ways to fall.
you finally answered the phone. you e-mailed to say you'd left him, that you two were finally done. i called almost immediately.
you didn't answer until the third time i tried, but you finally did. and that's all that matters, isn't it? it's so typical, me waiting on you. i realize that i ran away first, but i've been waiting for you ever since.
now that i finally have another chance, i find myself surprisingly unsure of all this. maybe it's just an instinct to protect myself- i mean, you've hurt me so badly before. i don't know that i could survive it again.
but then again, i don't know that i could survive passing up this opportunity.
so i stand here alone and confused about you, scared to make any move at all. also typical of us.
let's say we give ourselves another chance. what if it doesn't work out? at least i would know for sure, and i would have more real memories of us rather than just the idea of us. but then i would feel like the last year and a half have been a complete waste of time.
i guess what scares me most is that it might work. then everything changes. i've been this dark, bitter person for so long now that i can't remember how to be anything else... but if you're what pushed me over the edge, then maybe you're the only thing that can bring me back.
i stand here will all these questions, wondering if you have any of your own. you did say you wonder if just dating me in the first place would've been easier. but what does that even mean? easier as in better for you in the long run, or just... easier?
i'm not sure i want to know the answer.