beautiful trainwreck

03/24/2007
sarah

we are a beautiful trainwreck, you and i.
allow me to explain. the beauty of any tragedy is derived from that moment where the upcoming events are foreseen and recognized as unchangeable. it's as if the circumstances were so perfectly calculated with such little room for variables that no matter what course you take, the ultimate ending will be eerily similar to the outcome inaction would yield.
it is the murder of tybalt. it is the spotting of the iceberg from the titanic. it is the moment a conductor discovers that less than a mile away another train is barreling towards his own. it is the single instant when you realize it- you're fucked.
it is the sudden understanding that i am falling in love with you. i, who want nothing more than to hold your hand through your troubles to show you they are mine as well, to embrace you through the night so that you (for once in your life) may feel safe. i am falling in love with you, who want only one thing more than all that- invulnerability.
and so i am doomed to stay the course encouraged by your hints of an emotion you could never express, only to be ultimately rejected when all is said and done. having been driven by the futile hope that just maybe you would give in to your feelings, this heartbreak will be especially devastating. we will part ways consumed by awkward confusion, incapable of explaining to anyone why exactly whatever we had came to an end... or to an earth-shattering crash, as the case may be.
you see, our story has already been written. anyone can see the conclusion. as we fall deeper into love and insecurity, it will become increasingly clear that we cannot prevent it, yet we'll find ourselves mysteriously unable to bail. there's nothing to do but wait for the trains to collide.
and to hope that we survive it.